Lately, I've been the owner of an amazing life. Contrary to my experience when I first left law to practice coaching full-time, I've been experiencing an abundance of time, peace, serenity, and joy. Life is amazing, even when I'm sad, scared, nervous, or whatever else is showing up. There's still loads of reasons to be scared. There's still loads of things demanding my time. Reflecting on this gave me the opportunity to see that it's not my circumstances that have changed. It's me. It's how I'm being that has shifted.
I can't remember if I shared this before, but there was a time when I was working full-time as a lawyer, coming home, and coaching the remainder of my night. It made for long days, long nights, and weekends that were a precious commodity. It wasn't the optimal configuration that I was looking for, but it was what I felt I needed to do at the time to build my business.
I remember thinking, as my year was drawing to a close, "Wow, it's going to be great when I'm just working one job". I fantasized about all the things I would do differently. The first week? The first week, I was going to get Mass Effect 2 (a video game I'd really wanted to play) and spend all week just playing that. A reward for myself!
That's not what happened.
What happened was that I left my legal career, started full-time coaching, and immediately filled up my schedule. I filled up my days completely, and then answered my e-mails and made blog posts and did everything else in the evenings.
What the hell!?
That's not what I was meant to be doing. I was meant to be experiencing the summer of George!
But, why would I expect changing my circumstances to change anything? I'm the constant throughout all of these things. Not my circumstances.
It's like that friend of yours that keeps proclaiming "All men are jerks — I've dated 20 guys and they're all heartless".
She's the constant!
What is it about the way she is being that is drawing heartless men to her? And what is it about the way I'm being that has me continually creating a scarcity of time?
"But this is really exceptional! This is different! This is only temporary!"
Sometimes those exclamations are truths, but you should use them extremely sparingly (no, like way more sparingly than you are. No, even more sparingly than that). As soon as you pass off your experience to your circumstances, you've become a victim to them. You've lost ownership.
If you aren't able to own the experience you're actively creating for yourself, you can't change it. You can shift your circumstances, but that won't change it, because ultimately, the thing to change is you and how you're being.
So, what do you want to claim ownership for?