Do you remember my old posts? I do. They sucked.
They were brilliantly written, precisely crafted, well-articulated, and who gives a shit.
I didn't, and I doubt you did either.
They were written from a place on high about what you should be doing in your life, instead of about what I'm doing.
Being a good coach isn't about telling other people what to do. At its heart, it is about being the person you want to create in the world.
Everyone loves the Gandhi quote, "Be the change you want to see in the world", but few of us actually live in to it. That is what being a coach is.
That's what these posts have to be about, if I want to provide any value to the world.
You don't need me to give you another ten tips about how to be more efficient. You can get that anywhere on the internet with a simple search. You don't even need e to write the follow-up post, "Ten tips for how to actually use those those ten tips to become more efficient". That's just more strategy.
Coaching creates amazing success. But the way it does that is on the back of amazing failure. We have to be willing to risk it all if we want to have it all. Successes are great, but it's the failures, and the willingness to create them, that ultimately get us there.
So, today, I want to share with you a failure. My failure.
One of the practices a coach and friend (John Morgan) recently gave me was to find ten ways to get uncomfortable and bring my edge into the world. My coaching has been getting more powerful and more edgy as time has gone on. But now it's time to find new ways to bring that in to the world. If I don't take that on, I'm only really modelling what I want to be inside a coaching conversation. That's only slightly better than not at all.
So, I went to a networking event recently with that in mind. The nagging question I kept in the back of my head was: "If I was a coach that charged $50,000 a year, how would I be in this moment?" (Probably wouldn't be at a networking event).
I got in to the room, and I looked around. I made it my mission to find the most interesting or intimidating person there and talk to them. After looking for a while, I found him, and went over to talk to him and the person he was with.
"Hi. You're currently the most interesting person in this room, to me. Let's talk", I said.
He asked why, and I shared that his facial hair was unique, his haircut was cool, and he had plugs in his ear lobes (instead of earrings). And, on top of all that, he was wearing a suit.
We started talking, and I shared what I did. Then I asked him what he did.
"Sales", he said.
That was weird. "Just sales? In general?" I asked.
"Yah, pretty much. Like, if you need a waterbottle or a binder or something with your company's name on it, I create that".
As he spoke, I thought "Man, that's boring for this guy". This was the most interesting person in the room, and what he was describing couldn't have been less interesting to me. So, that's what I said.
"I notice that as you described that, I got bored, an-"
I didn't get to finish. He was offended and pissed off at me. I apologized for offending him, and tried to finish, but it didn't matter. He wasn't interested in any more conversation with me (not a shocker).
The last thing he said to me was "Congratulations on being a life coach".
I loved him for that, because it was funny, totally valid, and put a nice ribbon on the whole humbling experience.
So, I've done a bunch of distinguishing around this, and looked at what I could do differently next time, and what lessons there are, and all that. But I'm not going to share any of that, because that's not the point of me sharing this, and it's an easier way to make this failure more sanitized.
Simple fact is, I got out there, I failed hard, I fell on my face, and I am still alive. Yay failure.
Here's what my process looked like following that moment: