It's time to fess up. True Confessions of Your Coach.
I care. A lot. I thought you should know. I hope you already do.
I hate it when you don't get what you want. I hate it when you have to wait. I can't stand it when you're hurting, even though I know you must feel the pain along the path, because the path is your life, and it includes pain as well as peace, sorrow as well as joy, longing as well as celebration, loss as well as love.
But, godammit, I fucking hate that you're hurting. Or stuck. I've cried for you, sometimes, after I've gotten off our calls, or sometimes before them. I've vented my frustration for you (and, to be totally honest, sometimes with you, but then, that's for you, too).
I get annoyed with your bosses, your partners, your families, friends, situations and circumstances. Not for long, because I know that those things don't actually define you. I know that they will only remain obstacles in your way until you realize they aren't, and choose to move past them — when you're ready — taking the lesson you needed to learn, and the message you needed to receive.
It hits me like a tsunami, this caring, and I sometimes fear I'll wash away with the waves. Because my superpower is also my kryptonite. I can see you and I can read what you're feeling; I feel it, too.
Because I feel so strongly, I try to hold back sometimes. I don't want to pour my feeling all over you, and I won't. It's not in service of you. I do my work, constantly, to keep myself as clear and clean a mirror as my role requires, and so I don't lose myself in the feeling of it all. But I still feel it at times.
I don't want you to know this about me. I want you to see the consummate professional. The perfect coach, always powerful.
I want you to know you have the space with me. All of it. It's all for you. And my love for you is a part of my power.
So, I keep that space for you. I am committed to doing that, just as I am committed to you having the best fucking life you can dream possible (or better, impossible).
I know you are where you need to be. I know that no bad day lasts forever, and that even the most fierce of storms must pass. I will keep my eye on your horizon.
But make no mistake: I feel what you are feeling and I care. I care so much for you that it hurts sometimes. And that's okay. I love you that much.
If you don't have the job you want, or the relationship you crave, or the fill-in-the-blank-with-your-desire, I can't understand it. Except that yes, I can.
Because after I allow the feeling of it, I can see past it: past the trees, past the whole frigging forest. Past the continents and the fathomless depths of the brilliant shining seas. Past the skies, with their sometimes clouds and rays of sunlight, to the whole fucking universe. That's yours, too. Can you feel that? I do.
Sometimes, because I care, I want to fix it for you. I want to solve your problems and salve your pain. After all, we all do something to stem the overwhelming feeling of feeling. But because I care, I won't. I can't. It's not mine to fix and there's nothing broken anyway.
Sometimes, if you don't get what you want, when you want it, I make it mean something about my value as a coach, and sometimes I make that mean something about my value as a person.
Patience is not my favourite practice.
But that's about me, and I know it's just bullshit and fear, because those are easier for me to be with than your pain and suffering.
And so I let it be, and I stand for you, even in the hurting. I love you that much.
I just thought you should know.
With all my heart,