For the Coaches: Getting No's From Clients

Coaching is one of the world's hardest professions. As coaches, we get paid to confront and take on our fears. Literally.

On the outside, that sounds awesome. On the inside, taking on our fears sucks — it's terrifying and ... confronting.

If you're doing your job as a coach, your clients get to a point where they want to quit. They want out. If your clients leave every call feeling super duper and like life is full of roses, you're not being powerful with them. A necessary aspect of coaching someone is that they get confronted by what they're taking on in their life, and all of the same stuff that saves them from that feeling of being confronted (and keeps them in their comfort zone) shows up.

This is most challenging for coaches when it comes to getting hired. As soon as someone makes a commitment to working with a coach, their stuff is going to show up — they're going to get freaked out. It's natural. Coaching is simply a vehicle towards what people truly desire. It's a conduit that moves them past the circumstances that would normally stop them, and towards what they really want to create in their lives.

So it's not surprising that, if you've uncovered a deep enough desire in an initial coaching session with someone, they're going to get freaked out when they say yes to committing to creating that goal (with your support, as a coach).

An expected part of someone hiring you as a coach is that they will then turn around and say "Actually, I just realized that it's not such a good idea after all. The timing just isn't right. And that money is more than I can afford right now. And I don't think I really want a new job anyhow — this one isn't so bad..."

Struggling coaches make the client's fear into something personal. They make it about them. And as soon as they've done this, they can no longer stand for the client. If the client's fear means that the coach isn't actually worth the money, or that the coach isn't doing their job right, or that the coach needs to change what they're doing, then the coach has to change something, and it's no longer simply about coaching the client through the fear and circumstance.

Once this happens, the coach misses the entire point — it's to their credit that the client has gotten to this point.

I put this video together for coaches that are struggling at this point in the conversation, and want to move past it in service of their clients. If you have other questions, or would like to see something similar around another particular area, let me know.