I'M SHOULDING ALL OVER MYSELF AND IT STINKS.
I made a simple error. And, since I cannot just let go of it, I'm filled with annoyance. So begins my Monday.
If you're like me, you CANNOT BE WITH mistakes. Anywhere, really, but especially with your own.
What happened? It hardly matters, but this time, I booked the wrong Airbnb. I had two windows open, looking for a place to stay in Phoenix. One place would've been okay, but the other had a pool, spa and gym. I clicked the "book me" link, and boom. It was booked.
But I'd clicked the wrong one, because I had two many windows open and got them confused.
I *could* just cancel, hope the owner would relax his strict cancellation policy when I explained my error. But, due to a series of miscommunications and my tendency to JUMP and REACT, I've already done that once, because I booked before checking to see if the place met our requirements. Luckily, that kind person did refund (she didn't have to), but we lost the service fee. The consequence.
It's small beans, but it irks me to pay for nothing. I don't want the consequence.
So now I'm in between a rock and a hard place, all of which I created, and am insisting exists, because I can't just LET. IT. GO.
I get to be angry, annoyed, frustrated and disappointed.
I could ask for a refund and eat the cost (again). Or, I could get over it and empower the sweet little bungalow we've booked.
All I see is WHAT SHOULD NOT BE. Especially, because I was so stupid (not true, but that's the story that is flying around my self-judgment-filled head, hurting my heart).
I lose a lot of my joy because of my stubborn reluctance to release the SHOULDS. It sucks. From big things (WE NEED TO INNOVATE CLEAN ENERGY NOW) to small things (WHERE DID I PUT MY KEYS/DOCUMENTS/WHATEVER STUPID THING I MISPLACED AGAIN), I rail against WHAT SHOULD NOT BE.
Here's the game: It's Not Perfect And That's Not Okay.
If you've followed so far, you probably already know the rules. In this game I'm playing, I can't make a mistake. Neither can you. EVER. I can't forgive myself (I'll likely let you off the hook, but not myself). I'm stuck trying to change the past, which is a waste of time.
I'm like Dobby, and it hurts. It hurts me, the people around me (sorry, Adam), and poor little Grimby can read my black cloud and gets scared.
So, what can I do? I can breathe. I can grab 5 minutes and do a guided mediation. I can shout into a pillow, or whack the bed with a pillow.
Ultimately, I can CHOOSE to let this go, so that I can move on to the more important, and much more interesting question: Now what?
Any sufferers out there? Does this resonate? Can you relate to getting stuck with your SHOULDS? And, how do you let go? What's in it for you if you are able (willing is probably a better word to use here) to let it go?