This post is somewhat cross-posted (slightly altered) to my personal blog at http://adamquiney.com. There's a danger to practicing authenticity by posting on your blog and Facebook, and I think that that is the risk of self-indulgence. If we're not careful, our sharing can simply become a tedious mess of drama and victimhood, without actually demonstrating power.
It's an easy trap to fall in to, because it takes courage to share the dark parts about ourselves, and when we do so, we get a response that's commensurate with that. The feedback I've gotten from sharing where I'm at has been amazing. People have reached out, thanked me for sharing, acknowledged me for the courage, and provided sincere offers of support.
That's been great.
The risk though, is that I stop being authentic, and instead shift what I'm sharing so as to continue receiving those things.
It feels good when I share authentically and people respond positively to it, but it's crucial to remember that the reason it matters in the first place, and the reason it feels good, is because I'm actually being true to myself. The kudos are simply a side-benefit.
I was reflecting the other day that I hadn't shared anything recently, and felt like it was time to do so. Then, I thought "Well, the breakdown has mostly passed, I don't really have anything crappy to share".
You can see why that's funny right?
So instead, let's continue to play this game, and actually allow people (you) to see all of me. Not just the crappy bits, but also the great bits.
I've been in breakdown for about a month now. I raised my rates in service of both myself and my clients. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, so let me elaborate. By taking on exponentially/terrifying results myself, and really committing to them, I'm actually paving the way for my clients to do the same. Your coach can only take you as deeply as they've gone. It's not that I don't benefit from increasing my rates — it's moving me in the direction that I want to go as well.
Trust me though, it would have been a lot easier to stay comfortable and not face the fear and breakdown that I have over the last month.
As a result of setting that new goal, I've been confronted (rather than rehash it, just go back and read about it here if you're interested). My fears have been running rampant, and I've been in breakdown. No fun, no joy. Things just haven't been that great.
But this week... This week I generated my breakthrough. On the heels of a powerful weekend training new coaches and witnessing transformation in the moment, and in tandem with Bay working through her own breakdown, my breakthrough magically popped. Suddenly, the struggle dropped away. I asked for support, and I got it. I got a ton of it. I got it from all over.
I asked for support from my teammates, and talked with them over the phone. I reached out via e-mail to one of my favourite authors and coaches, Steve Chandler, and he not only responded, but set aside two hours to talk with me on the phone. (You know what I definitely wouldn't have done if I hadn't set such a crazy confronting goal for myself? I sure as hell wouldn't have randomly decided to reach out to one of the world's foremost coaches and asked him to talk to me on the phone).
See, the funny thing is that these shouldn't be hard things. In fact they're not. You're struggling? The solution is simple — ask for some support, dummy. Worried that things won't work out? Practice trusting that they will.
Oh, right — simplicity isn't the same thing as easy. Those aren't complicated steps to take — but my whole system up to this point has been set up so as to resist those things. My stories around support are that it won't work, it won't make a difference, it will end up taking more time (which is the last thing I have) and I'll end up having to support and comfort the people that are in the process of supporting me. Likewise, I can't trust that things will work out, because that might mean that I would stop working as hard as I normally do, and if I stop doing that, then things definitely won't work out.
Oh look at that, we're right back where we started. Notice how much more complicated it gets when I'm in my stuff?
I showed up on my call with my coach on Thursday, and things were just... different. Suddenly, I realized that it didn't matter, and not only did I have an intellectual awareness of that fact — I actually GOT that it didn't matter. Things were going to work out, and I could trust that one way or another, I was going to be just fine. All I really needed to do, instead of clenching and trying to control everything, was to relax and allow some trust.
"It sounds like you've had a breakthrough in trust, Adam", my coach, Jolynne Anderson, said to me. She was right — and all it took was three months. During our call, I told her "You know, I really want a new client now. I'm ready for it", to which she replied "Yah, I get that — and how you're being right now? It's time. You're going to generate clients from here".
From there, all it took was one day. One powerful two hour conversation with someone, and boom, the rest happened by itself. I didn't need to push anything on him. All I needed to do was be with him, and trust that that was enough. We went deep, and I gave him powerful, high-flame coaching. We got to the bottom of everything that was currently creating his chaotic hectic life the way it is. Once he saw what was possible, it stopped being a question of whether or not he wanted to work with me — it was a question of whether or not I was willing to take him on as a client. And so there it is. What's clear to me is that none of this would have come about if I hadn't made a crazy declaration right at the start. All of this is based around the power of declaration and commitment.
It isn't until we actually declare and truly commit to something that transformation can happen. without a goal you're really willing to pursue, it's just easier to turn around and go back to what is comfortable. For three months, it would have been much easier to go back to my old rates and lived comfortably on them. But that's not the game I'm up to playing, and it wouldn't serve my clients to have me doing so.
This is about more than just me — and it's about more than just you.
I'm sharing this here, because it's important to play a bigger game. It doesn't just impact you — it impacts the world around you. I hope that my breakthrough inspires you to create one for yourself, because that will in turn inspire the other people in your life to do the same.
We need you to.