Last week, I shared that I was having a rough week (technically, it had taken several weeks to get to where I was posting from, in terms of breakdown). I did a whole lot of work, got a whole lot of support and reflection, and got good and annoyed with myself even more for still not "getting" self-compassion (oh the irony). I thought I'd already fixed that problem, see. But we fix things that are broken, and looking for problems gets in the way of finding opportunities. I had been busy pretending that everything was fine and pasting a smile on my face, because I felt like, as a coach, I couldn't publicly be down in the dumps or afraid. What would people think? In fact, I worried so much about what people would think of my eventual (and totally imaginary) failures, that that's all I was seeing.
Here's what I learned: Pretending everything is fine is not the same as trusting that it will be. It's not the same as choosing. There's no ownership in pretending, but there is power in choosing. Not owning my fear was owning me. Nothing had changed, but I was choosing a pretty crappy next chapter in my choose-my-own adventure. I couldn't see that I was making a choice, albeit a pretty pessimistic one.
[Tweet "Pretending everything is fine is not the same as trusting that it will be."]
On Sunday, I decided to try something new. I decided to actively choose to come from something positive, each moment, if I needed to. It turns out that I'm just really good at predicting what my survival mechanism will do, but I haven't practiced much on the essence side of things. I haven't actively tried choosing from joy, humour, heart, brilliance or devotion. It's a weak muscle for me.
I still have moments of fear, like anyone else, and especially like any new business owner. "What if_____?" is an easy place to hang out. I'm working on choosing the end of that question from a new place. What if it's awesome? What if I am happy, right now? What if it all works out? What if it was easy?
Because I say so.
So can you.
This guy was pretty smart. I'm working on this advice. Feel free to join me!