Earlier this week, I asked this question on Twitter:
#mindfulness: What are you a demand for in your life, and where are you currently compromising that demand?
This question goes to the heart of today's matter: Self-sabotage.
Most of us have goals. Some of us have massive goals. Some of us are too frightened to have big goals, so we hold ones that are smaller and seem more reasonable. For some of us, we're not even aware of what we're committed to (or refuse to get clear on it - both ways of sabotaging ourselves). Whether you're aware of them or not, you've got some things you'd like to achieve.
[Tweet "What is missing in your life, and how are you keeping it out?"]
Sometimes it's tangible results. You want to make a six-figure income, you want a nice car, you want a big house with a nice yard, etc.
And then there are also have intangible results. States of being that we want. We want to be joyful in our life. We want to be happy, and excited. We want to be connected and loving and compassionate.
And lastly, each of us has a life purpose. A fundamental way of being that we want to bring more of in to this world. For some of us, it's joy (mine). For others it is passion, or peace, or love. The more we source ourselves from that purpose - the more we act in a ways that generate more of that purpose, the more we gain access to our power, and the more fulfilled we are.
Think about what your purpose might be, and then think of the last thing that you did that really provided you more of that. It felt empowering didn't it? It was uplifting, and made you feel like you were contributing to the world in a meaningful way.
So, you've got a purpose, and you've got a set of things that you're committed to. How are you sabotaging those things? Spend some time and really dig into what you do that allows you to sabotage truly achieving your potential. How do you let yourself off the hook?
Here are some common means of sabotaging ourselves:
- Reckless behaviour
- Not fully-showing up
- Playing the victim (blaming other people for you not achieving what you want)
- Expecting things to come to you
- Rationalizing and settling (well, I didn't really want it that much anyhow)
There are many more, but these are some of the big culprits. Typically, the opportunities we want exist outside of our comfort zone. This is precisely why they are opportunities - they are new to us, unknown and existing in an area that we are not familiar with.
Here's an example pattern:
- You make a bold declaration. Let's take new year's eve as an example. You proudly proclaim to yourself, "This year, I'm going to be manager at my company".
- You start the new year with every honest intention of pursuing that commitment. You might even share the commitment with a few people (though you're probably a little gun-shy because of the fact that in the past you have done so, and failed to follow through on the commitment).
- You get in to work, and you see the director for your branch walk by. And you say "Well, he might be a good person to talk to, but he's too busy to talk with me. I'll talk to someone else".
- You see your boss walk by. It seems like he's having a bad day and is in a hurry. You tell yourself "Well, I'll talk to him when it's a better time".
- A few weeks later, you do manage to talk to your boss. You express your intent, and he responds by saying "well, for now, we'll give you a raise and see about giving you some more responsibility later"
Most of us are probably able to identify one or two points of sabotage in the story above. In fact, every single one of these points represents a moment of sabotage.
By not sharing a declaration with people, you sabotage your accountability, making it much easier for you to let yourself off the hook. By telling yourself that your director is too important and busy, you avoid speaking to the people that might best be able to help you. By telling yourself that your boss is having a bad day (your own story), you let yourself put off what could be happening sooner. And that raise you got is great, but by letting that become your focus, you've lost sight of your original commitment.
Powerful momentum comes from powerful commitments, and holding ourselves accountable to those commitments. Where are you letting yourself off the hook when it comes to the things that you are committed to? Look deeply into your current habits and patterns, and get present to what you do. Remember, awareness allows us to be intentional. Until you're clear on where you sabotage yourself, you will have great difficulty avoiding it.
[Tweet "Until you're clear on where you sabotage yourself, you will have great difficulty avoiding it."]
Want an easy way to access some of the ways you sabotage yourself? Ask yourself who and what you are being when I tell you to go to this page and request a complimentary session. Then, look deep to see where else that pattern is showing up in your life.