You're not broken

You're not broken.One of the biggest stops many people have to coaching is that they aren't broken and don't need anyone to fix them, so hiring a coach is stupid.  (Sometimes accompanied with more choice words). Let me start off this post by saying to each and every single person reading this: I agree.  You are not broken.  You don't need fixing.  You are whole and complete just the way you are.

Are there habits that you can't seem to break out of?  Are you having trouble taking the next steps in your business venture?  Does fear keep getting in your way and stopping you from taking on the next big thing?  Or maybe it's the other way around for you.  You're an expert at getting things done and taking the next big step, and see no end of success in your business...  If only you had more time for spontaneity and connecting with your friends or family.

Whatever your complaints are, I would like to acknowledge you for being perfect, right where you are.

You see, the reason most people begin from a place of arguing that they are not broken is that they actually do view some part of where they're at as broken or imperfect.  With a story like this, it becomes necessary to manage that, finding ways to either justify how we aren't broken (which wouldn't be necessary in the first place without that story), or getting defensive and resentful when people suggest things like coaching, or even talking about your problems.

For many people, this shows up as an inability to be vulnerable.  We insist that we don't see ourselves as broken, and yet have great difficulty sharing ourselves authentically.  People might judge us.  People might see us differently.

"But I don't have any control over how other people view me!" we often retort.  The mistake is in failing to realize that we are actually acting as though we do have control over that.  ("As long as I don't show them my darkest secrets and imperfections, they'll never know how horrible/lazy/stupid/judgmental/etc. I am").

Coaching is not about fixing.  It is about seeing what is so, and then making a decision from choice.  Most of the time, we miss our blind spots completely.  We don't even see how they impact on us and our decisions.  Without full awareness, we can't truly be at choice.  We don't realize what we're actually choosing between (or worse yet, that we even have a choice).

When we are confronted with our blind spots, it can be ugly.  Often times, we'll refuse to accept what is so.  In relationships with friends and family, they might point something out to us, perhaps a little clumsily or with their own judgment attached, and we get triggered.  We don't like what they are revealing.  So we go to our survival mechanism, causing our friends to retreat from their position, and allowing us to return to our comfort zone.  They think to themselves "Well, at least I tried", we think to ourselves "What a jerk", and everyone goes back to behaving as before.

Coaching isn't about fixing - it is about committing fully to our own growth, and to being supported by someone that is completely standing for our greatest selves.  In this relationship our coach is there to stand by us through the height of our survival mechanism.  To stand beside us, reveal what is so, point to our blind spots, and then stay with us, in love and acceptance, even when we lash out at them (Ask my own coach, if you don't believe me).

You are not broken.  You are perfect, whole and complete, exactly where you are.

To finish, here is your challenge for the end of 2012:

Write out three things that you have not yet been able to achieve in your life that you intend to create in 2013.  Now write out what you will need to shift in order to achieve those things.  Are you willing to commit to doing so?  If no, ask yourself why.  Get really present to what is in the way (pro-tip: this is simply another thing for you to shift).  If the answer is yes, pin those items to your calendar for March 2013.  In March 2013, revisit it.  See what has changed.  Have you made the effort to shift?  If yes, what is different in your life now as a result?  If not, how come?  What got in the way?

Remember - from declarations in possibility comes power.